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January 26, 2009

Thoughts to Prepare for Divorce

Starting a marriage is relatively easy. Two people decide to join their lives together, and typically, they pick a venue, invite some loved ones, get a marriage license, and say “I do.” And for that typical legal marriage, a whole boat-load of rights and responsibilities get exchanged, often unexamined by the newlyweds.

When do some of us get the unpleasant surprise of the repercussions of those rights and responsibilities exchanged in that moment of bliss? Divorce, of course! And here are some thoughts to keep in mind, if you’re approaching that life-changing event:

1) Focus on the future. What do you want it to be like? What can you do to get there, even if it means the hard work of compromise?
2) Realize that, in some way, you’re going to have to compromise with your spouse to get that new future. Meaning, you can only have a settlement that they’ll agree to, so start thinking not of just what you want, but what you think they might want, too.
3) Get help, and lots of it. We’re all at our worst during the divorce transition– so reach out to friends, family. Get educated, read books on divorce, and on parenting during your divorce and afterwards. Hire professionals, mediators, Collaborative attorneys, coaches, financial and/or child specialists. You never get a second chance to do a good job on your first (and hopefully last) divorce.

We were blessed to have her to help us through the rough spots in our lives.

Unmani is truly a blessing for those who find themselves ready to work with their soon-to-be-ex to bring a mutually satisfactory, peaceful end to their relationship.  Animosity and belligerence are optional in our lives, and Unmani is adept at reminding us of that and keeping us true to our better selves.  She has that rare gift for being light-hearted and no-nonsense at once, which of course is just what one needs at a time like that.  We were blessed to have her to help us through the rough spots in our lives.

- Don G.
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