January 26, 2009
Thoughts to Prepare for Divorce
Starting a marriage is relatively easy. Two people decide to join their lives together, and typically, they pick a venue, invite some loved ones, get a marriage license, and say “I do.” And for that typical legal marriage, a whole boat-load of rights and responsibilities get exchanged, often unexamined by the newlyweds.
When do some of us get the unpleasant surprise of the repercussions of those rights and responsibilities exchanged in that moment of bliss? Divorce, of course! And here are some thoughts to keep in mind, if you’re approaching that life-changing event:
1) Focus on the future. What do you want it to be like? What can you do to get there, even if it means the hard work of compromise?
2) Realize that, in some way, you’re going to have to compromise with your spouse to get that new future. Meaning, you can only have a settlement that they’ll agree to, so start thinking not of just what you want, but what you think they might want, too.
3) Get help, and lots of it. We’re all at our worst during the divorce transition– so reach out to friends, family. Get educated, read books on divorce, and on parenting during your divorce and afterwards. Hire professionals, mediators, Collaborative attorneys, coaches, financial and/or child specialists. You never get a second chance to do a good job on your first (and hopefully last) divorce.